Headshrinkers LLC · Department of Cranial Information Technology
Your head is running out of memory.
Management has discovered a catastrophic amount of unnecessary mental paperwork. Good news: the diagnostic is completely fictitious. The recurring argument from 2009 probably isn't.
IMPORTANT: Satirical demonstration only. Nothing here scans your computer, accesses personal data, installs software, or uses significant memory.
SYSTEM OVERLOADED
Unauthorized mental tenants detected. Free space is disputed.
Memory allocation (unreliable)
Total: 121%. The percentages exceed skull capacity because the accounting department refuses to reconcile its books.
Press Run Fictional Scan to authorize a harmless little animation and the inevitable paperwork.
Department of Unauthorized Thoughts · Final Report
SCAN COMPLETE. MANAGEMENT APPALLED.
No malware was found because no computer was scanned. Five mental tenants have nevertheless been charged with occupying valuable cranial real estate without a lease.
Recommended remediation: Choose one recurring thought. Identify one useful next action—or mark the hearing CLOSED when nothing can be done. More thinking is not automatically more progress.
Complete your Cranial Occupancy Questionnaire and print a customized official-looking report →
Open the official free Thought Inspection and issue a customized ruling →
Still experiencing unauthorized occupancy?
Headshrinkers LLC by Eleanor Reeve: eighteen short chapters of practical Eviction Notices, dry humor and an Emergency Manual. No motivational speeches. No system administrator required.
Disclaimer: This is a voluntary parody of computer diagnostics, not an actual system alert, security scan, medical or psychological assessment, or treatment. No real computer memory is cleaned. For genuine technical emergencies, consult your computer. For genuine mental-health emergencies, consult qualified professionals. Walter has refused to accept responsibility for either.