Department of Unauthorized Thoughts · Public Service Desk
Your head is due for an inspection.
Someone has been living rent-free in the building. Select the principal offender. Management will issue one personalized ruling, no clipboard appointment necessary.
Free, completely unofficial and mildly useful. No sign-up. Your entries are processed in this browser, not sent to our office.
Form HS-006 / Intake
File a complaint
Be specific. Management cannot evict “everything” on the first visit. The paperwork would be obscene.
FORM HS-006 · FIELD DECISION
Department of Unauthorized Thoughts
Notice of restricted occupancy
Case: —
Property: Your head
Occupant: —
Recorded status: —
Findings
Jurisdiction ruling
One authorized action
Final disposition: File closed as to compulsory repetition. Necessary follow-up, if any, remains permitted. Further unauthorized meetings will not be catered.
Further enforcement procedures
That was one tenant. We have a whole building to inspect.
Headshrinkers LLC by Eleanor Reeve offers eighteen short chapters, practical Eviction Notices, and an Emergency Manual for those times when the building is apparently on fire. No inspirational speech included.
This is satire and general self-reflection, not a psychological evaluation, medical advice, or a substitute for professional care. Real-world emergencies require real-world help, not additional paperwork.